Jokes

[melissa]

Sorry guys, i found these on an email a friend sent me, and couldn't help myself.

Eight Words with 2 Meanings

1.Thingy
Female: Any part under a car's hood
Male: The strap fastener on women's bras

2.Vulnerable
Female: Fully opening oneself emotionally to another
Male: Playing cricket without a box

3. Communication
Female: Sharing thoughts and feelings with partner
Male: Leaving a note before taking off for a fishing trip with the boys

4.Commitment
Female: Getting married and raising a family
Male: Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one

5.Entertainment
Female: A good movie, concert, play or book
Male: Anything that can be done while drinking beer

6.Flatulence
Female: An embarrassing by-product of indigestion
Male: A source of entertainment, self-expression and male bonding

7. Making Love
Female: The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can acheive
Male: Call it anything you like, as long as we do it.

8. Remote Control
Female: A device for changing TV channels
Male: A device for scanning all 375 channels every five minutes

Jokes

What's the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again

What's a mixed feeling?
Watching your mother in law back over a cliff in your new car

What's the height of conceit?
Having an orgasm and calling out your own name

What's the definition of macho?
Jogging home from your vasectomy

What's the difference between the g-spot and a golf ball?
Men will actually search for a golf ball

What do Tupperware and walruses have in common?
They both like a tight seal

What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common?
Their balls are just for decoration

What's the difference between oooooh and aaaaah?
About three inches

Why do gay men wear ribbed condoms?
For traction in the mud

What's the difference between purple and pink?
The grip

How do you circumsize a hillbilly?
Kick his sister in the jaw

What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
45 pounds

What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
45 minutes

If a dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?
The Swallow

What is the difference between medium and rare?
Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare

Chinese Proverbs

Virginity like bubble; one prick, all gone

Man who run in front of car get tired

Man who run behind car get exhausted

Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day

Foolish man give wife a grand piano; wise man give wife an upright organ

Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways is going to Bangkok

Man with one chopstick go hungry

Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night

It takes many nails to build a cot but one screw to fill it

Man who drive like hell bound to get there

Man who stand on toilet is high on pot

Man who lives in glass house should change clothes in basement

Man who fish in other man's well bound to catch crabs

Man who fart in church sits in own pew

Crowded elevator smell different to midget

[luvlicca]

they are some of the funniest jokes ive ever read!!! i had tears Mel!! good job!

[magpiesgirl]

I havn't laughed so hard or much in ages!Top work

[Daisy Chains]

They are fantastic! Absolute pissers Mel. I laughed so hard my tummy hurt

[Proud Pies]

yep, gotta pay them, hadn't heard most of them.

[melissa]

Thanks, got them in a recent email from none other than my dad.

[magpiesgirl]

Here are some Carlton jokes I got sent to me during the week:

What has 60 legs & 18 teeth? The front row of the Carlton Cheer Squad

What do you do for a drowning Carlton player?
Nothing. You could drag him to the top, but he'll choke anyway

What do Carlton Fans use for birth control ?
Their personalities

What would you call a pregnant Carlton fan?
A dope carrier.

Whats the thinnest book in the world?

Carlton Champions Of The New Millennium

Carlton are just like mosqutios-you have to kill them to stop them sucking

Scotland, Whitnall, Fevola are in a car, who's driving?
The Policeman